How not to be hurt

When are we hurt? Whenever we are not respected, discouraged, ignored, misunderstood….. In our daily life we have to come across different types of people. We have no control over their behavior. Whenever we feel hurt by words or action of others, there is a wound in mind. When repeated, these wounds get accumulated, get deeper and take control of our mind. We know how to deal with physical wounds, but we find it difficult to handle mental wounds. We will be wasting our precious life with painful moments if we cannot handle mental wounds. Life will be more meaningful and enjoyable if we can handle this problem. Let us see some important steps to heal the mental wounds and get rid of them.

·    Know the root cause - Basically the hurt feeling is due to the difference in how one wants to be treated and how one is being treated. So the cause is in self estimation and expectation.                           

·     Accommodate - You know well that you cannot estimate a person exactly the same way as the person estimates him or herself; in the same way it is not possible for any person in this world to estimate you the same way as you do. Accommodate the differences.

·     Acknowledge opposition - Direct your actions as per the need of the situation following ethics and norms. Once action is over, do not worry about prejudiced comments. In human history every great leader including Mahatma Gandhi, had critics. You need not accept every view, but you have to acknowledge opposite views.

·     Learn - If you look back at your life, you might recognize many occasions where others had better ideas than you, and you did not get them right. Whenever you are criticized, instead of retarding, begin to analyze and learn to improve yourself.

·    Speak out - Do not keep the wound in mind. It becomes bigger and deeper. Nobody can help if you keep your problem in your mind. Speak out. Best way is to speak to the concerned. Otherwise discuss the problem with your friends.

·     See positive - Do not develop hatred towards the person or situation that hurts you. See positive things about that person or situation. Rose plants will have thorns. Instead of brooding over the unpleasant incident, engage yourself in positive activities.  

·     Seek help - There is one relationship which is permanent, trusted and always available-God. Tell Him your feelings and seek help.

When one practices these steps and seeks God’s help, not only the wound gets healed but also the person gets matured and the root cause is visible clearly. Bagavad Gita elaborately discusses about the values to be followed by discriminative, contemplative persons who can be free from mental wound. ‘Absence of conceit, absence of pretention and accommodation’ are some of the values stated. ‘Not hurting’ is mentioned as an important value to be followed. So, if one does not want to be hurt, he or she should first restrain from hurting others.

Further while describing the three gunas (sattva, rajas and tamas) Krishna tells Arjuna, “When one  does not see an agent other than the gunas and when he knows himself as beyond the gunas, he gains my nature. Crossing these three gunas, those are the cause of the body, one gains immortality .”

Listening to this, Arjuna asks Krishna, “What are the characteristics of the person who has crossed these three gunas?”

Krishna says, “Such a person, a gunatita, is not shaken by gunas, is the same in pleasant and unpleasant situations, same with reference to censure or praise and is the same towards respect and insult.”

You are not hurt and you don’t hurt any when you know that you cannot be really hurt.

-Arasu Ramanujam

Limited to limitless

There seems to be a limit to everything that man can do. There is limit to eat, limit to speed, limit to authority…. However people always strive to exceed the limit. The very same object that gives pleasure turns out to be unpleasant and harmful when the limit is exceeded. A person who likes cakes finds it very tasty when eating the first cake. When he is offered too many cakes beyond his limit, he says, “No, thanks, it is enough, no more cakes”. What is the difference between the first cake and the last one? The cake is the same. When the limit is exceeded, what is dear becomes bitter. When the limit is self imposed, we are in control of things; otherwise we are being controlled. We also find that the recorded limits are continuously broken as in the case of champions in Olympics.  In all our interaction with the external world, we are limited by speed, time, space etc. Human body has limits in height, weight and sense perception just like the earth on which we live also has its limits. We find ourselves limited and the things around us are also limited. However, we keep  trying to break these limits. We always have an inner urge to be limitless. There seems to be a contradiction between the limited person and the urge to become limitless. Is there a solution to this issue? Can one become completely limitless and be free from all restrictions?

Bagavad Gita says,”The limitless self is the purusha, the person who is limitless, in this body, the ultimate seer, sustainer and enjoyer. Further Bagavad Gita states, “The limitless self can be seen by meditation, inquiry and karma yoga”. The real nature of self is limitless. Ignorance covers the true nature of oneself and hence there is a continuous attempt to become limitless. How can one become limitless from a limited entity? Limitlessness is eternal and beyond time and space. Therefore Gita says, “One who sees the non destructible Lord in all perishable things alone sees”. Our sense organs and mind if used in the right direction with proper guidance can reveal the truth. Proper action, meditation and devotion can take us to self knowledge. By self knowledge one can become limitless. Let us see some practical steps towards this ultimate goal.

·    There is nothing wrong in trying to expand our limits as individuals. Our physical body is meant for action and without action we cannot progress. Recognize the fact that the limits in physical world are due to the identification of oneself with the physical body and mind. These limits can also be expanded to an extent by sincere efforts.

·    Set a target for the desired expansion and work towards it in proper, legitimate ways with enough knowledge, training and efforts.

·    While expanding, learn to appreciate the needs of fellow beings and help them in their expansion.

·    Continuously increase dharmic (good and beneficial to society) activities and reduce adharmic (evil and illegitimate) activities. Take control of sense organs and mind by regular practice and dedicated action.

·    Develop an attitude to love and appreciate everything around. See God in His creation…plants, animals, fellow beings, mountain, river….sky, stars….in everything that is seen.

·    In all the actions, aim for excellence and accept the results as they come by. The results are given by God as per merits of action.

When these steps are practiced, one finds himself in harmony with nature, gains self esteem and grows internally. Now the mind is prepared to accept the facts as they are and seek the way to see the limitless self.

·    With a clear and peaceful mind, expansion takes place internally. The matured mind accepts the external world in its totality.

·    Regular, spontaneous practice of dedicated action, meditation and devotion to Lord lead one to enquiry about one’s own self.

·    Possessions, responsibilities and relationships are treated objectively without attachment and hence no pains and fear of security. This is indication of internal strength.

·    With this inner strength, one can realize the Supreme Lord outside and inside of all beings. The Supreme Lord remains undivided in the beings and is only seemingly divided.

·    Craving for individual ownership and control gradually gets reduced as the realization of the fact that everything that exists belongs to the Lord, becomes firm.

·    One understands the real nature of self and hence not affected by the limits of external world. One becomes one’s own source of permanent peace, security and happiness.

Consciousness is not limited by the boundaries of the body; consciousness pervades and enlivens the body and continues to exist ever without limits. The individual who realizes this truth is limitless.

-Arasu Ramanujam

Adverse to advantage

Sridhar was expecting a promotion that year. When the results came, he was shocked to know that he was not chosen for the position as he expected. He felt bad that his hard work was not recognized. It was a great set back in his career. He took this as a challenge, resigned his job and started his own company. Due to his bold decision, trust in his own strength and the cooperation of the employees, his company grew much bigger than his competitors in five years time. In another two years, Sridhar purchased the company where he was working previously and dominated the market in his domain. Like Sridhar most of us have come across situations which we thought as adverse turned to be advantageous.

As individuals we are limited and cannot understand all that happen around us. But anything that happens has a meaning and purpose. There is nothing called accident. When we do not know the cause, we call it an accident.  When it rains during a lawn party, the host thinks it is bad but for a farmer expecting rain, it is a blessing. Rain itself is not bad. When it rains without our expectation, we consider it as bad. So adverse or advantage depends on how we perceive a given situation. It is the difference between what we expected and what we got. It does not mean that we are helpless. Every one of us has a great potential to convert an adverse situation to advantage. How?

There are two ways to approach this problem of adverse situation. First you should use your free will, look at things objectively and put your efforts unceasingly to convert any given situation to your advantage. As human beings, we are blessed with free will and have the capacity to convert negative into positive. You should develop an attitude to be calm in difficult situations and think of alternate solutions. An agitated mind magnifies difficulties. Believe in yourself and the great weapon with you-‘free will’. Think of Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. They all have excelled in adverse conditions. Prisons have produced some of the best writers. Successful people did not have best of everything, they made best of everything. In fact it is an interesting game to convert negative to positive. You just need to look at things differently and work towards your goal with focus. It is just like the story of two sales guys who were asked to sell shoes in an island where people never wore shoes. The first one said it is hopeless and returned back. The second one was jubilant and ordered for thousand pairs. He saw the opportunity of so many people wanting shoes. I have a friend who became the CEO of a leading company from the position of an ordinary employee. He chose to go to Japan when all others refused to go there fearing communication problems as they did not know the language. This guy saw the opportunity, went there, learnt the language and climbed up the ladder. What did he do differently? He saw the opportunity in a situation where all others saw difficulties and he worked hard in the right direction. Looking at things objectively, using free will with determination and cool mind gives you the advantage.

 Now let us see how the second approach works. There are some situations where you don’t find an immediate solution. When you find no working alternative, undergo the difficult situation patiently as a learning period and improve yourself. Keep an eye for the right time to take advantage. In creation there is no positive without negative. If you have a body, you will have pleasure and pain. Anything that comes must go. No human being is exempted from suffering. With patience, what appeared to be adverse becomes normal and then advantageous. Most of us think difficult situations are bad. We blame our horoscope and planets for our suffering. In fact difficult situations teach us lot things which we would have never learnt in normal situations. We understand the world better in difficult times. We will come to know who our true friends are. We will also know our real strength. This is the real learning period. Who will find time to learn the lessons of living if everything goes well? Whenever a difficult situation is given, think it is given by God for your learning. Accept it and undergo the situation with courage. Look at nature. There are four seasons. Which season is better than the other? The cool breeze of autumn relieves you from the scorching sun of summer. The warmth of spring relieves you from the freezing cold of winter. In summer you love playing out door and in winter you have fun in snow. All seasons are interesting as they keep changing. Life will be meaningless and boring without challenges. Look at your own past. Every situation you thought as difficult had passed. Now they don’t bother you.  You may realize most of such situations were in fact opportunities not adverse situations. Periodical review of your own life in the past is a great way to understand your potential and take advantage of what is available in present.

 Change what you can, accept what you cannot. Pray the Lord to give you the strength to do the right thing at right time. All situations are to your advantage when you have the courage to face them.

-Arasu Ramanujam

In a word-Business

It was a regular busy morning in our Tokyo office . The secretary said there was a customer waiting to see me. I was little surprised as I had no appointment with a customer at that time. In Japan it is rare that someone coming to see you without an appointment. I thought it must be something important. With all kinds of guess work I went to the meeting room. What a surprise! It was the senior Vice President of a global giant in Electronics, one of our most important customers. He was with his General Manager, a kind lady always helpful to us. I could sense the seriousness in spite of the customary smile on their faces. After exchange of greetings the VP gave me a gift and apologized. I could not understand the situation. Later I came to know that whenever some damage is done to you, the Japanese express their regret by offering you a gift. He said,"Unfortunately the project has to be stopped in middle due to some problems on our side. Your team has done an excellent job. We are very thankful to you and your team for this. We are sure to come back with some solution later and engage your team again.”It was difficult to digest this information as this was a major project involving several hundred engineers. But my respect to the customer for his courteous behavior dominated my own thoughts about lost revenue.

One year later the same customer called me and surprised me by giving a huge project much bigger in size. “Why he did this?”, I asked my colleagues. They all said in chorus,"trust”. Yes, trust is the magic word in business. This word can do wonders. There were also other customers who helped us even when we goofed up at some points due to our ignorance. They know we can be trusted and we will never let them down. Whether it is trade, marketing, buying or selling, with trust even blunders are excused. There is no business running smooth and profitable all the time. There are ups and down. The seller, buyer and service provider all must trust each other in business. All other qualities put together cannot make you successful if you are not trusted.

You can never pretend to be trust worthy. It is self evident. However we can see some pointers here on how trust is built based on experience.

·    Be honest first to yourself and then to others. Do not try to defend your side when there is a fault. Telling the fact is invariably better than bending the truth to justify your act.

·    Never be late to a meeting. Nobody can trust a person who cannot keep his own commitment to time. You may give thousand reasons for being late. But trust and so your business is already lost.

·    Empathize with your partner. Even great companies have difficult times. Size does not matter. Elephants slip. Be with your partner in difficult times. In better times, he will come to you.

·    In business, sweet words don’t always mean business. Be firm on your principles, if you believe it will help your partner. Flexibility does not mean accepting everything.

·    Think of the benefit of your customer, you will in turn be trusted and benefitted.

·    Be consistent. Even a broken clock can show right timing twice a day. All your figures should be consistent and supported by facts. Consistent growth is better than great show and down fall.

·    Build a relationship sincerely and steadily. Tough start, growing sweeter and stronger is always better than sweet start and bitter end.

·    While in discussion with your customer, explain your shortcomings as well as your strengths. Remember the customer has heard the statement, “I am the best” from all prospects before you met him. Openness leads to trust.

·    Say always “I can do only this and only I can do this.” Nobody will trust you when you try to do everything.

·    Do not just say all bad things about your competitor. Be honest in appreciating the good points as well. Explain how you are unique and why you are even better.

New business models, management techniques, quality improvements, information updates are all in the superstructure. They all need a foundation called trust. Everything else can change in business but not trust. Where trust is- there is business. 

-Arasu Ramanujam 

Ten steps for stress-free living

1. Control your mind

The cause of stress is your mind, not the external world. You have the switch to control your thoughts. You can turn it on or off. The first step towards stress-free living is not to let the mind take control of you. You are not the mind but you have a mind to work for you. Use it as you would a pair of glasses to see the world.

2. Accept the universal law

Accept the universal law as you may not understand everything that happens around you. You have control over your action but not on the result. Once you have performed the action, accept the result as the result is subject to universal law.

3. Plan your time

Time pressure is an important factor for stress. Think before committing your time. Your time is in your control. The President of a country and a gardener has the same 24 hours with them in a day. How you spend your time makes the difference. Allocate time for admiring nature, physical exercise and family.

4. Face the unacceptable

 Change what you can and accept what you cannot change. Pray whenever you face a difficult situation. Prayer gives you the strength to face the unacceptable and accept it. Listen to contrary views. Learn from opponents as they may have better ideas.

5. Don’t procrastinate

 Procrastination is a major cause of burden. Take up most difficult work first and complete it. Rest will be easy. Delegate work to deserving people around you; don’t try to do everything by yourself.

6. Live in harmony

 Living in harmony is human nature. Understand the needs of the people around you and help them. Just a smiling face and a hello will do wonders. You can melt even stones by your kindness and care.

7. Enjoy your role

Remember that you are always playing a role as father, son, manager, customer, consumer etc. Just play the role and enjoy the role. You have no stress when you know that you are different from the role.

8. Act, don’t react

 Act as per the demand of situation, do not react. Anger is a sign of weakness. It reflects the incapacity of the mind to face difficult situations. When anger and irritation grows into hatred, mind cannot relax. You can be stern in dealing with a situation but should not develop hatred. A strong mind withstands displeasure and discomfort.

9. Meditate

 Meditate by allotting time for yourself and bring your mind under your control. Think of the vast sky and stars, your problems will just vanish. Whenever any incident makes you unpleasant, imagine that it happened many years ago and at a faraway place. Time and distance have strong impact on my mind. Remember everything passes; anything that came must also go.

10. Sleep

 No one has ever complained of stress while sleeping. Sleep does the magic and you feel it when you are awake after a sound sleep. Make it a habit to sleep in time and rise early in the morning to have stress- free day, every day.

-Arasu Ramanujam

In search of home

Sitaram thought, “It is enough, let’s get back to our own country and live a simple life.” He has seen the height of corporate world and spent a long time in advanced countries in various positions. He likes simplicity, although his work environment has all the luxuries in the world. He wanted his decision to be final and there would be no looking back. So he informed his colleagues and the Board of his decision and packed off to his motherland.

He was so excited about being back in his Country. Memories of his childhood, school, university and relatives kept his mind occupied during the flight. After many years of busy life, he could relax and the flash back of his own life was so exciting. He wanted to experience the life of a common man in the city where he lived before leaving the country.

First day….

Sitaram was so excited to go for a walk, go to his favorite hotel, temple and so on. In the morning, he set out for a walk. He was shocked to see that the road had no pavement. He had forgotten how to walk on the road in such a chaotic traffic, four wheelers and two wheelers were moving in all directions. In the name of widening the road, the corporation did not leave any space for pedestrians. Even if there was a narrow pavement, it was all occupied by petty shops and vendors or used as parking lot. Forty years ago he was playing on this street with other children of his age. Now it has become a busy road and not an inch of space left to walk. Somehow he managed to get an auto and went to the play ground where he used to go for a jog. When he went there, the security asked him, “What do you want sir?” Sitaram realized that the place looked different. He asked the security,” This used to be a play ground earlier. Can I go for a walk?” The security said,” No Sir, you have to be a member to use this facility. Even for walking you have to subscribe as a member.”

“Oh God, Is this my country? There is no place to walk on road. There is no public place left anywhere for a common man. Where will I go now to just take a walk?” thought Sitaram.

Second day…..

By now he understood that the best transport in the city is the bus. It is cheaper and safer than any other mode of transport. (If you go by car, there is no way you can return without a dent! If you take an auto you end up arguing with the auto driver) Sitaram wanted to make a donation to the school where he studied and so went there. When he reached there, he found heavy security arrangements at the gate of the school. No stranger was allowed to enter the school. Everybody was checked by special security personnel. Sitaram asked the man at the gate about what was happening. He came to know that a child was kidnapped in the area just the previous day and hence the panic. Sitaram thought it is better to return home than to enter the school at this time. Who would believe if he says that he came here to donate money?

Third day……

This was the temple he used to go to every morning. On Fridays his mother would give him flowers and coconuts to offer to the deities in the temple. With nostalgic feelings he approached the temple. When he went near the temple, he found a lot of police men there. The traffic was diverted and no vehicles were allowed to go near the temple. He got down and enquired the police on guard about the situation. He came to know that some VIP was visiting the temple and hence public were not allowed to enter until that evening. Sitaram saw the tall tower of the temple in front. His memory went to the days when he used to go round the ‘praharam’ (corridor) of the temple with his mother and sit there in peace for a few minutes.

“Oh Lord, where this world is heading?” thought Sitaram. He has just decided to get away from the materialistic life and returned to his country. Now he is shocked about the city life in his own country. Where will he go to live the life of a normal peaceful man just like the olden days?

He could not stop thinking about today’s world……..

·         No man trusts the other. No one can enter any building without an ID card. The ID card around your neck is more important than you.

·         If you go back to a company where you worked a few years ago as a visitor, you will be interrogated as if you are an unwanted person there.

·          Travel in plane is becoming a hazard. Your bag and you are subjected to strict security check. No matter even if you are an honest, reliable, respectable person; who cares? You are an object of suspicion.

·         Every apartment has security guard (whether he can provide security is a different matter!). There is also a board which says, “Visitor’s cars not allowed”.

·         Law makers are law breakers. Even judges who are considered next to God are found corrupt. Every day there is news about scam, terror, cheating, kidnapping…………

·         Indiscriminate industrialization with profit as the only goal is a threat to the globe itself. The green earth is turning into a dump yard. Every next generation is left with more pollution and garbage to tackle with.

We can go on talking about the mistrust, suspicion, disrespect prevalent in human society today. There is a big transformation taking place in human behavior with advent of technological developments. It is amazing to see the speed at which the world is changing. On one side we feel we are progressing with scientific advancement in all fields. We have so many gadgets replacing human labor. The internet, mobile phone and television have changed man to virtual world. Even the language is changing every day. We are not sure whether we will be able to even communicate with the next generation. On the other side human dignity, mutual respect and fundamental values are also being redefined. A self conscious man may feel that he is getting farther away from universal consciousness. Such a man may feel buried deeper and deeper in the gadgets designed by man. Man today is a prey to his own web. Man is changing in trying to change nature. Every child born will see a new kind of world with many new materials made by man. Will there be some time left to see and think about the other man, river, mountain and sky?

 There is hope………

Sitaram finally decided to go to his native village. It was a great surprise to him there. He found his street the same. Children were playing as it used to be forty years ago. He went to the temple which remained the same without the crowd and VIPs. Thank God, it did not become so popular to attract VIP visitors. He could go there and sit for hours as he did in his childhood. He could get in to any house for a cup of tea. He could find women chatting in the afternoon leisurely before their children and husbands got back home. There was trust, love and compassion with people. Even unknown people talked to him as if he is one of their family members. The pond in the village had beautiful lily flowers as it used to be. He could find cows, goats and pets coexisting with human beings. Sitaram was happy. He could finally get to a place where a simple peaceful life of a man is possible.

 Still in this world a few villages are left where people like Sitaram could find a simple life of a ‘man’ that he saw forty years ago. How long will this fast developing society allow these villages to live in peace and leave the world green? Long live the green world!

In a word- Management

If you know a person well, you can describe that person in just one word. One should have analyzed a person or phenomenon in depth to be able to define in just one word. When you think of Mahatma Gandhi, it is ‘ahimsa’(non violence) that comes to mind. When you say fire, light is associated with that. In creation, space and air cannot be seen. In the order of evolution, fire is the first element that is visible to the eye. Even though fire can be seen, felt and heard its specific quality is form. Each person has many qualities, but one quality distinguishes a person from others. If we know this, we know this person well. Similarly, management, business, education - everything should have one quality that is very specific to that function.

What is very specific to management? If you have this one quality, all other qualifications will come in handy. What is expected of a manager?  The management wants the manager to achieve the set target without fail. The employees want the manager to guide and support them. The customer wants the manager to deliver his product in time with good quality. What helps the manager to fulfill all these expectations and makes him successful? One word does it -“Foresight”

Every manager has knowledge, qualification and experience but only a few are successful. What do successful managers do differently? They foresee problems and avoid them. Experience in the field of operation and knowledge about the product, management, employee and customer can result in success only when combined with foresight. We have seen bridges falling before inauguration, defects in equipment and deaths due to defective automobiles, not to mention the serious consequences of software. No one is going to accept such failures. No doubt the managers involved in these projects will be taken to task.

A successful manager sees what others cannot see. This is possible only when he is conscious of the consequences and think of the results of each step in the process carefully. When he has seen the problem, he cannot sleep over it. He has to take immediate steps to avert serious consequences. What does a mother do when a child is born? She takes care of the baby to perfection without anybody asking her to do so. She is not thinking of anybody above her to answer if she fails. Why? She cannot fail. It is her child. She is careful all the time. How a successful manager cultivates foresight?

·         Manages himself first

·         Makes it a practice to predict and checks its validity

·         Learns from the mistakes of others

·         Observes and digs out hidden facts

·         Acts confidently

·         Keeps improving

A manager with foresight accomplishes the following by his virtues:

·         Takes care

·         Sets expectations right

·         Leaves no gap

·         Never slips

·         Exceeds expectation

·         On time every time

·         Delights all

Is there anything more to ask for? If you have foresight, you can manage.

-Arasu Ramanujam